My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need to calm my uterus...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
