Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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