Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
