i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
