yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
