Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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