There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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