don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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