So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
