You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
