i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize