No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This baby is an asshole
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
