i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
