Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
