hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
