I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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