I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
