all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What a dumb baby whore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize