the condom got lost in my hair
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize