if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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