Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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