I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
