Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
