yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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