I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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