I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
