I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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