well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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