just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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