I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
