people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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