if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize