Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
