i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
