They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
