dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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