During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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