My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
