i don't like sucking hair
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
