i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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