We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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