Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
