when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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