my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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