i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
