If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
