guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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