Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I still have a little drunk in my system
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
