If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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