I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need water and some morals
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
