Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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