Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
