So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
