dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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