Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
