Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
