because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
