My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
