Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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