i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
