We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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