walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
