is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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