Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
