I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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