You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
