he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
