My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
