We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
