he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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