she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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