If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
