I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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