wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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