Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
