Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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