thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
