i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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