I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
