So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
