dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
