I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
