I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
