Sponge bath it is.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This baby is an asshole
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
