I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
