i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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