So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
