I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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