Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
