I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
