is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
