it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
