I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
